I started taking female hormones and scheduled the surgery for April 1983 in Trinidad, Colorado. He told me that the childhood events were not related to my current gender distress, and that sex change was the only solution. He diagnosed me with gender identity disorder (now gender dysphoria) and recommended cross-sex hormones and sex change genital surgery. Paul Walker, who had co-authored the 1979 standards of care for transgender health. I sought out the top gender specialist at the time, Dr. I felt torn apart, wanting to be a good husband and father, but in severe torment about needing to be a woman. With weekly travel away from home, I easily indulged in cross-dressing, fueling the desire to be a woman.īy the time I was 40, I couldn’t take the pressure of living two separate lives. In my work life I was successful, but the girl persona still occupied my thoughts. In my early 20s and engaged to be married, I confided to my fiancée about my cross-dressing. I was never homosexual I was interested in dating girls. Gender dysphoria is about identity, not sexual orientation. In my childlike thinking, if I could only be a girl, then I would be accepted and affirmed by the adults in my life. I lay awake at night, secretly begging God to change me into a girl. That abuse caused me to not want to be male any longer. High school could have been hell for my transgender son. My high school's transgender bathroom policies violate the privacy of the rest of us Trump's anti-transgender memo would hurt teens like me. If not for the purple dress, I believe I would not have been abused by my uncle. I thought my secret was safe, but my teenage uncle heard about it and felt I was fair game for taunting and sexual abuse. In my case, I was diagnosed at age 40 with gender dysphoria and at age 50 with psychological issues due to childhood trauma.Įventually, my parents found out, and my unsupervised visits to Grandma’s house ended. Studies show that most people who want to live as the opposite sex have other psychological issues, such as depression or anxiety. I lived as “Laura” for eight years, but, as I now know, transitioning doesn’t fix the underlying ailments. This planted the seed of gender confusion and led to my transitioning at age 42 to transgender female. I started my transgender journey as a 4-year-old boy when my grandmother repeatedly, over several years, cross-dressed me in a full-length purple dress she made especially for me and told me how pretty I was as a girl.
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